my soul is barren, my heart is hallow

Sometimes i am just not sure how to feel about things. I suppose it has something to do with my pessimistic ways. I feel blank in a way. I feel nothing and i really don't care. I don't care if i am alone or if i have friends. I don't wanna do anything. I just wanna sleep. I feel fried. I think i push myself to much and then i just get in this state where nothing matters to me and i feel like anything could happen and i wouldn't care. It's weird. I feel like i have a pit in my stomach that just eats all of my feelings away.. at least all of the good ones. I kinda just wanna go off at somebody, no one in particular, i just wanna yell at some one and hope that i feel better after. Nutcracker is over and i want to feel sad but i feel like i can't and i think it's making me sick. I wanna talk about how i feel but the problem is that i don't know how i feel about anything. I think this might be an issue. Maybe it's not me not feeling anything but just a lack of reassurance of my feelings. I kinda just want to pour myself out to someone, someone i don't know and i'll never see again, someone who can help, someone who will care enough to listen. I miss seeing Carlin around and being able to talk with him about everything without feeling judged.

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today is one of those days where i don't wanna see anybody.

i hate finals.

i wanna go home.

screw school.

Tick tock on the clock but the party don't stop.

So this blog is gonna be all over the place. I have been meaning to blog a few times over the last couple of days but i haven't so i am going to have a combo deal right here. First of all i am so in love with the song TiK ToK by Ke$ha. I downloaded the song yesterday and i have already listened to the song like 20 times. That song is actually where i got the title for this blog cause i had no idea what to call it because it's so all over everywhere. Secondly, Merin, I tried to comment on your most recent blog but i couldn't for some reason, it made me sad also you and i should become tight because you and i are both crazy and we are feeling lonely ish. Yes? Third, Kevin is coming back to school tomorrow and i am so excited to see that boy because i love him to death! Forth, i totally love Dallas, he is crazy and we had the best time last night he got plastered and made a jello mold of his face. It was amazing.

Now aside from all of that, does it make anyone else really sad when someone makes a cover of a song and it sounds a ton better than the original? By sad i don't really mean sad but like disappointed in the band because it's like i just saw some kid on YouTube and a guitar preform that song so much better than you and you have a ton of money and a recording studio and things but this kid is a billion times better than you. Or my favorite is when some one is mocking your song and they make it better like pretty much everything on the punk goes crunk album. Oh my gosh. Best ever.

Since i am on the topic of music i thought i should tell my crazy story. I was hanging out with my best friend Lilly the other day and we were going through the stuff on On Demand and we found this video that was called Care Bears on Fire thinking that it was going to be the cartoon Carebears on fire or something like that so obviously we clicked it in hopes that it would be hysterical but no it wasn't like that at all. It was a music video and the song was called Everybody Else, first of all it was the worst song i have ever heard in my life and the band is like 3 12 year old wanna be punk girls and there was like 3 lines in the whole song and oh my gosh it was so terrible that i just cracked up and i thought i was gonna pee my pants or something and Lilly was just looking at me the whole time and was like WTF and it was such a good moment in my life and now we sing the song to each other and it's fantastic.

OH, i have another story. I went to the haunted forest with Haley back in October and i totally wet myself, it was so sad. I have no idea why i am putting this on Internet, i guess i have no shame or maybe i am just that bored or something. Anyways i went with my friend Haley to the haunted forest and she worked there when we went so i thought she wouldn't be afraid at all and she is kind of a masculine girl so i thought she was gonna try to scare other people and we were just gonna mess around and stuff but she was freaking out the whole time and it was the funniest thing ever. I was so amused by what she was doing that i didn't get scared at all. So i made it through practically the entire thing until we were right by the exit and this dude came out with a chainsaw and Haley stared screaming and like hoping all over people trying to get out of there and i could have sworn i was gonna die laughing but instead i just peed. It was the greatest moment of my life.

Oh my gosh i can't even remember what all i was going to say in this blog i got totally sidetracked. oh well. i guess this is the end for now.