Cocaine Anonymous

I went to a CA meeting with Joe and Zack tonight. I had been to an AA one prior but now that I am involved in the process of helping someone I care about get clean the meaning of the meeting was very different. I would like to clarify that Zack has not used cocaine but that 12 step programs tend to group together since the community is so small in the Utah County area and that works out well because the 12 steps and the motivation of living a healthy lifestyle is shared by all. 

I have become so inspired by anyone who has ever used and is working on getting or staying clean. They have to conquer a lot of inner turmoil and basically relearn how to live life without the aid of a substance. I cannot imagine the hell that it must be to do all of that. It is so hard to change your life when you don't have any positive connections or coping skills,  don't believe in yourself and constantly have the urge to use all the time. Everyone who has been an addict and has turned their life around is my personal hero.

When I was at the meeting tonight the theme was acceptance. I realized that this is a concept that more people should be aware of and everyone should try to apply it to their lives the way those in 12 step programs do. These people seem so much more aware of their actions and life choices and they can accept their past and the damage that has been done. I am not sure that most people could own their baggage the way these people do. I am feeling so inspired. It makes me wonder about all the things I have swept under the rug and need to address. The serenity prayer that they recite at the beginnings and ends of the meetings really summed up the atmosphere. If tattoos weren't so expensive I'd get this prayer inked on right now just because of how much meaning these words carry. It gives us hope for the future and freedom from our pasts. I loved that many of the people who spoke tonight mentioned that somethings were out of their hands as they reached a point where they had to just accept the plan that God had in store for them. I truly believe the best people were born to the most difficult lives and meant to experience the hardest trials. I do wish that more people saw it that way. I wish the world could accept people the way these guys did and be a solid network and support system for one another. I wish I world was more caring and connected but this is a brilliant place to start. 

I want to inspire the world so badly. I want to be able to defeat all my demons and tell myself that it will all work out in the end.  I want to do a 12 step program not because I need it or have an addiction to anything, I just want to better myself and those around me. This 12 step stuff is simply brilliant.