To celebrate my country's independence I went with some AA members to the Spanish Fork Reservoir. In all my years of living so close to it I had no idea of its existence. It was absolutely stunning. I couldn't believe that I had never heard of this magnificent place. I love swimming in natural waters and although this wasn't all natural my needs were more than met. There was moss and it was deep, slimy and smelt of fish. Ahhh. I was in heaven. It was freezing cold but it felt so nice compared to the sun beating on my back. A few of us swam all the way across and back. I am a good swimmer but that took much more energy than I anticipated. I had so much fun though. We just splashed around in the water and hung out all afternoon. Zack even caught himself a fish!
Later that night a group of us went to Rock Canyon Park and watched all the fireworks that were lit across the valley. It was a sight. I do love fireworks. There is just something about an explosion of color in the sky that I just can't resist. Between the fireworks, good company and the late night hang out, I really couldn't have asked for a better day!
Last week was fairly oriental. My good friend Sairah moved back from Germany last weekend so I took her out to dinner. Her husband was just deployed so no expenses were spared on our gilrs night. She deserved the very best! We ended up eating in West Jordan at this all you can eat sushi bar and it was the most delicious. I was stuffed to the max. I was worried I would throw up I ate so much. It was amazing.
Hilary and I also had some Japanese fun times. We watched Battle Royale. The original Hunger Games. It was the most legit. Fake blood all over the place and killing with all kinds of things. I loved it.
After that we set off some fireworks and the looked super Japanese too. Unfortunately, I had some problems. I cut my thumb and got blood all over the place and I started a small fire but other than that things went well. We must have set off a good 50 fireworks, no big ones mind you. Just some flowers, boats and sparklers. We had a good time. I love bonding nights with that girl.
I have realized recently that I have been quite lucky with how my life has turned out. Based on some decisions that I have made I am surprised at how lucky I have been. In junior high I had a really rough group of friends. My best friend and the boy of choice at the time were both dealing marijuana to our friends and other students in the school. For being only 13 I had interacted with an illegal substance quite a bit. I had been around my friends when the smoke and dealt. I had seen it, smelt it, touched it but refrained from smoking it. One day at school during lunch my friends took a walk to go smoke. I went with them which was abnormal for me during school hours. We walked a few buildings down to hide while everyone lit up. Something was different about this time. I am not sure exactly what it was. It is too long ago to remember exactly how I was feeling. But I finally gave in. I smoked. It was disgusting. All I remember thinking is that I would rather eat a plant then smoke one. It was very unpleasant. I couldn't get high but I watched everyone else sky rocket to cloud 9.
We returned to school and were immediately sent to to office. Someone had seen us. Police came in and talked to us. They brought in the drug dogs. One kid was arrested and all of my friends were expelled or suspended. But somehow, I was allowed to keep coming to school. I have no idea how that worked out. A teacher defended me. Said I was a good kid. But beyond that I think I was just lucky. The friendships I had with all of those people and the easy access I had to drugs faded. I cannot explain how grateful I am for that. There were several times where if I had the easy access that I did that I know I would have smoked. I am so sure that if I stayed in contact with those people that I would have become a frequent user.
I had a similar experience with drinking when I was a sophomore. Someone bought me some drinks, I drank them but then I lost contact with that person and have yet to drink since but occasionally I still want to drink all my problems away. I have terrible depression and drinking or smoking seems like an easy escape from the world.
As a child I always saw smoking and drinking as glamorous. I grew up in Chicago and Tokyo where that is the norm. I thought it was sophisticated because that is what most adults did, especially the attractive ones. It looked like a beautiful thing. As I have gotten older I have seen that this isn't the case. I recently had an Aunt who passed away due to drinking and smoking and now that I hang out at a halfway house with Zack I can see how much damage this lifestyle can have. I may still occasionally have the urge to use to escape some emotional turmoil but I know that I won't. It really isn't worth it. I am so grateful that I have lost contact with the people who would so easily supply things for me. I think it was a factor that could be a part of why I am still alive.
I went to a CA meeting with Joe and Zack tonight. I had been to an AA one prior but now that I am involved in the process of helping someone I care about get clean the meaning of the meeting was very different. I would like to clarify that Zack has not used cocaine but that 12 step programs tend to group together since the community is so small in the Utah County area and that works out well because the 12 steps and the motivation of living a healthy lifestyle is shared by all.
I have become so inspired by anyone who has ever used and is working on getting or staying clean. They have to conquer a lot of inner turmoil and basically relearn how to live life without the aid of a substance. I cannot imagine the hell that it must be to do all of that. It is so hard to change your life when you don't have any positive connections or coping skills, don't believe in yourself and constantly have the urge to use all the time. Everyone who has been an addict and has turned their life around is my personal hero.
When I was at the meeting tonight the theme was acceptance. I realized that this is a concept that more people should be aware of and everyone should try to apply it to their lives the way those in 12 step programs do. These people seem so much more aware of their actions and life choices and they can accept their past and the damage that has been done. I am not sure that most people could own their baggage the way these people do. I am feeling so inspired. It makes me wonder about all the things I have swept under the rug and need to address. The serenity prayer that they recite at the beginnings and ends of the meetings really summed up the atmosphere. If tattoos weren't so expensive I'd get this prayer inked on right now just because of how much meaning these words carry. It gives us hope for the future and freedom from our pasts. I loved that many of the people who spoke tonight mentioned that somethings were out of their hands as they reached a point where they had to just accept the plan that God had in store for them. I truly believe the best people were born to the most difficult lives and meant to experience the hardest trials. I do wish that more people saw it that way. I wish the world could accept people the way these guys did and be a solid network and support system for one another. I wish I world was more caring and connected but this is a brilliant place to start.
I want to inspire the world so badly. I want to be able to defeat all my demons and tell myself that it will all work out in the end. I want to do a 12 step program not because I need it or have an addiction to anything, I just want to better myself and those around me. This 12 step stuff is simply brilliant.
I am loving this summer. It's beautiful. I love waking up and getting to work with my favorite kids on the planet every day and then spending all my free time with my best friends. We have the best adventures. Zack, Dylan and I went golfing and played racquetball this last week and we had a grand old time. The views from the golf course are stunning. Utah Valley is such a beautiful place.
On Sunday Zack, Joe, a bunch of people from AA and I hiked to Stewart Falls and we had a lot of fun. Zack found a snake on the path and then carried it remainder of the hike and told everyone that looked at the snake that "it shit on me". With his childlike mentality he was SO proud of both the snake and the mark it left behind. I have forgotten how much I love hiking and really being outside in general. I need to go way more often. I've been going swimming but that just isn't enough. I feel like I should check out Timp Caves. I haven't done that hike in years. (If you're interested you should hit me up and we'll make it happen.)
Despite all of the fire warnings in the area Zack and I built a fire and made smores and Hilary and I have been blowing all kinds of things up. We wreak all kinds of havoc but we have the best time in the world doing so. Some times I am surprised we go home at night with out getting into trouble for how much crap we do.
My lovely best friend Maren had a birthday party and it was absolutely splendid! I adore that girl so much. I do wish she lived closer though then I'd just live at her house. She's great. I miss staying up at night talking to her. I am going through the worst withdrawals. I can't wait to move back in with her in the fall and I'm praying that Hilary will be able to be there too.
After that we set off some fireworks and the looked super Japanese too. Unfortunately, I had some problems. I cut my thumb and got blood all over the place and I started a small fire but other than that things went well. We must have set off a good 50 fireworks, no big ones mind you. Just some flowers, boats and sparklers. We had a good time. I love bonding nights with that girl.
When I was at the meeting tonight the theme was acceptance. I realized that this is a concept that more people should be aware of and everyone should try to apply it to their lives the way those in 12 step programs do. These people seem so much more aware of their actions and life choices and they can accept their past and the damage that has been done. I am not sure that most people could own their baggage the way these people do. I am feeling so inspired. It makes me wonder about all the things I have swept under the rug and need to address. The serenity prayer that they recite at the beginnings and ends of the meetings really summed up the atmosphere. If tattoos weren't so expensive I'd get this prayer inked on right now just because of how much meaning these words carry. It gives us hope for the future and freedom from our pasts. I loved that many of the people who spoke tonight mentioned that somethings were out of their hands as they reached a point where they had to just accept the plan that God had in store for them. I truly believe the best people were born to the most difficult lives and meant to experience the hardest trials. I do wish that more people saw it that way. I wish the world could accept people the way these guys did and be a solid network and support system for one another. I wish I world was more caring and connected but this is a brilliant place to start. 
