Sunday, December 26, 2010

where i am

If I could go back to being 8 years old and know exactly what my life is like right now, would I be happy? Would I be proud of who I am? Of the decision I've made? Of how far I've come? Would I be proud of all of the mistakes I've made? Would I try to change anything? Would I be proud of the people that I associate with? Would I be proud of the relationships I have with my family and friends?

If I was 8 and I knew where I am now I think I would be embarrassed. I think all I could say is "That's it? In 10 years from now that is what my life is going to look like? Is this some kind of sick joke?" I feel like I was a better person 10 years ago then I am today when I am an adult. I'm not sure I would change anything though, I made the decisions I made for a reason. I'm not sure that based on the decisions I've made in my life that I could be further along and happier but I would like to hope that maybe I could be happier and that I am on the road that will take me there.

Sometimes I just wonder that if my 8 year old self would feel nothing but pity for me then why on earth would anyone feel differently? I hope one day I will learn and grow and make decisions and maybe in another 10 years my now present self will be proud of my now future self. But for now I will just feel disappointed with where I am.

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