Wednesday, November 17, 2010

joyous day?

Well. This. Sucks. I'm down. I'm very very down. It could be way worse though. But at this point it's bad enough that I am shutting down. I've been skipping a ton of class and homework? Forget about it.

I got into it with my dad yesterday. It was nasty. I was bawling when I hung up the phone. The gist of the conversation is that he was concerned because I was down when I saw my family on last Tuesday. I guess I just don't understand why he was so concerned because I've had depression since I was 10. Having a down day is nothing new and having ONE down day is no reason for him to call up my therapist and ask him what's going on. I still pissed. I'm kinda hurt I guess. I just feel like he's going behind my back when he calls up my therapist. Another part of me feels like he is just trying to keep tabs on me. I kinda feel like now my parents are trying to be a huge part of my life but the thing is that I don't need them right now (well, besides their money and their car.... I do need those things). I needed them when I was growing up and they were too busy working to give a shit about me they just bought me whatever I wanted but buying me a bunch of crap doesn't make up for the fact that they weren't around or the fact that when they were around that they lied to me or didn't tell me the whole truth (like when my mom was in the hospital and they lied to me about it (really, that made the whole situation so much worse)). GOD. I'm just pissed off and I'm hurt.

I have to work tonight and meet with the Bishop. I'm kinda glad I can finally meet with the Bishop but I would love it if I didn't have to work. I need to go bowling. It helps me release a lot of my feelings. I still need to find a sub for tonight since Maren and Molly said they couldn't go... hmm. Anyone wanna bowl tonight? I know I want to.

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